just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
