I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
