wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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