You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
