So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dick very happy bro
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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