well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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