Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize