fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
