I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
