I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize