just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
