I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
