Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can't special order awesome
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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