plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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