well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
