You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just crazy horny about you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
