question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
