If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
