Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
