By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
