I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
