they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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