Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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