Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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