If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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