This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
