just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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