So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
