And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
