Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
