I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
