why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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