i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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