last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize