I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No more Irish car bombs ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
