I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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