My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
