the day after is always just damage control
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
