Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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