Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
