I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
