Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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