Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We left the knife in your bed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize