hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
jump out the window naked night went bad
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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