I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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