The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
