Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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