i jhust puked up my retainher.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
