Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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