I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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