I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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