Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
