I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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