i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
