He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
