Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
