Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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