im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
