I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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