Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
