carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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