u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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