I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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