Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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