So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
