So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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