I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
