K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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