if i can run in heels then i can drive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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