Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
