i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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