I could make wine with my vomit
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
