Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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