One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
soo... how was my night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
