If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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